Keep your legs together men!

Posted: February 11, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s not right that only women (well certain women) are accused of not being able to keep their legs together.

Passing a prestigious bank a couple of years back, I glimpsed a spectacle that to this day remains etched in my memory and on that day wouldn’t have made the gardener who tends to the bank’s immaculately groomed lawn too happy.

It was a bright and sunny morning and welcoming the sunshine with its arms (or legs if you prefer) wide open, was a mangy brown dog, right there on the middle of the impeccably cut grass. I don’t know if it was playing dead, mocking the efforts of the gardener or simply (for some misguided reason) revealing to the world that it’s got balls (and not in a ‘I am a dog with a spine’ way either).

So that’s the picture that flashed through my mind in the bus recently when I had the misfortune of having to stand beside a man in a similar stance (in the dog’s defense, it may have had an itch on its back or have been merely drying off its tummy). In this case, the offender was sitting on the side of the seat closest to the aisle with his legs wide apart and one sticking out (in my defense, the person sitting next to him was not that big-made and neither was the offender so there was perfectly enough room for the two of them to sit comfortably without blocking the aisle. Besides, the bus was fairly crowded and not everyone standing had the luxury of picking a better spot to stand). Grrrrrr….. So maybe I need anger management tips but there is an almost manic fury that rises within me when I come across selfish people in public transport.

Why do men insist on sitting with their legs wide apart? Ok so this maybe a personal grudge I hold against all men, with its origins dating back to my school days. I always ended up getting squashed against the car door when traveling to school as my cousin brother simply wouldn’t keep his legs together – however much I chastised him and however much he obliged, those legs would involuntarily find their way apart.

Thus having my feathers ruffled, I decided to ask around. Apart from a few lewd and crude comments, the overall answer (from those trying to be helpful) was that it was rather uncomfortable to keep their legs right together, no they didn’t always realize that they were being a nuisance to society by doing it, yes it was possible for them to keep them together if they wanted to (easy for me to say apparently) and also a few other comments on a certain little man’s right to breathe. I guess I asked for that…

Ladies are expected to sit with their legs crossed (not cross-legged but so that the bottom of one knee is placed upon the other) or with their legs together – it’s usually acceptable to disregard this expectation if we have seduction on our minds *part from the movie Basic Instinct flashes across mind*.  And although I made fun of my uncle last week for sitting like a woman (in the posture mentioned above, with his legs crossed – in my defense, he was insulting a certain person’s masculinity and I had to say something and what I said was that my uncle couldn’t afford to talk while sitting like that), I realized my mistake when I was firmly put in my place, being told that it was the ‘refined’ way of sitting.

It is isn’t it? It is considered good manners for men to sit with their legs crossed or together or in any way that it wouldn’t be blatantly obvious that well… that they’re thinking inline with the dog mentioned above.

For all those men who protest indignantly that It’s just the way we sit or It’s just too uncomfortable or even The little man will die of suffocation! I’d like to make a little reminder that it’s manners! I’ve noticed that most men with prestige, power and status sit properly: presidents, CEOs, directors, heads of various organizations (well just the sophisticated and intelligent ones I guess). Anyway, I’m sure you get my drift. So the way you sit could very well be one of those things that tell people exactly which steps you frequent in the ladder of success.

So apart from the girly-men looking gay when sitting with their legs together, the real men (emphatic pause…) look refined. So all you real men out there, if you’ve forgotten your manners, it’s time to brush them up. At least in public. Not everyone is impressed with the fact that you people take up more public space just so your little guys can breathe.

  1. The length of this rant! Nevertheless I agree with you! And me thinks you could have found a proper balls pic if you tried harder! 😛 (Okay, I know it’s gross! But I’m too lazy to delete it! So sowwieee if you got offended!) 😉 😀

    • psychodoodle says:

      could have found a proper balls picture but not one that would look good 😉 thus this… 🙂

      • sy says:

        ever heard of “bumper nuts?” maybe you could have used them for a picture. they’re trailer hitch covers that look like balls and for some reason I think that they are funny.
        but rudness in public places is not, people taking more than their fair share of space is not. this is actually one of my pet peeves. I hate it when people even stand with their hands on their hips and then there’s the whistlers. where does that mental illnes come from?
        ok, back to you/you are not asking too much to expect men to excercise decorum, especially on a bus, crowded or otherwise, and you don’t need to sympathize, if we can’t take the critism then screw us.
        You know what I mean.

      • psychodoodle says:

        😀 ha ha…. screw your ll indeed. And no i didn’t know about bumper nuts. Now that google has enlightened me with visuals I’m thinking WHY!!? 🙂 the pink ones are the grossest.

  2. Quidmont says:

    Hi Psychodoodle,

    To put my two cents worth in to represent the male point of view, short of when we wear shorts, it’s often the more civilized option to sit with our legs akimbo. An episode of “Friends” comes to mind which emphasized well that any man wearing shorts should be wary of just how much “brain” he exposes.

    Yes, we do think with that brain too. In fact, often it has a mind of its own. Which can be downright embarrassing, especially when we have to stand back up in the bus and try to make our way to the door without poking someone’s eye out.

    Lack of control you say? Evolution I say. Sometimes when your mind starts to wander and your upper brain is just not in gear, the lower one takes over and starts things you don’t intend and certainly can’t finish.

    So … given that short of castration males are sometimes going to have this very visible problem, would you rather be offended by it directly or put up with allowing a bit of air space for the little guys?

    I’m genuinely curious.

    Thanks. 🙂

    – Quidmont

    • psychodoodle says:

      😀 if those are the only options available it leaves me with little choice really and I’d obviously have to go for the latter 😛

      • Quidmont says:

        I’ll also acknowledge that Scotsmen wearing kilts should not sit spread out any more than ladies wearing dresses. And that ladies in slacks should have just as much right to take up some extra room to be comfortable like men are.


        – Quidmont

  3. sy says:

    you’re right, they are gross and I don’t even know why I think they’re funny, but every time I see them on a truck i’m amused

  4. Sy says:

    Are you doing the challenge this week, or are you too busy? how are you and your pooch doing?

    • psychodoodle says:

      Heeey… Na dont think so.. 😐 loaded with uni stuff… so much to read, so little time and oh so sleepy… Pooch is ok.. Her name is Princess Poppcicle actually. There, you now know her real name. Saw that you’ve finished the Mary Slimship story but didn’t have the time to read properly. I like the short mean posts 🙂 How are things with you?

      • sy says:

        good with me. I have a short post coming up later tonight. something unexpected happened when I tried to tell a joke

  5. sy says:

    for some reason I don’t get the option to leave a reply on I’m Grateful, so i’m leaving it here. uumm, wait having a little troouble thinknn. I may have come bck ltr end commnt agn, but If your frontal (g)lobes come close to your cranial lobes, which I doubt, short of you standing on your head that is, then umm, damn, can’t remember what I was going to say again.
    anyway, thanks for the post. if you get my drift.

  6. Sy says:

    why did that show up twice. I only typed it once. is this another dream?

  7. It's only P! says:

    I’ve read that a man’s balls should not get too warm (because it would affect the quality of the stuff inside LOL) so obviously that’s why they have to sit with their legs spread.

    Now, as for the supereducated, they have lost touch with their instincts because they’re usually left brainers who rely very little on their (animal) instinct, if at all (except when it comes to the deed itself). You see, if people say “what an animal!” when they refer to a man’s bad manners, it’s because he was behaving according to his instinct, which was very strong when we were still apes but it wore off over time.

    I just made all that up, but it makes sense, doesn’t it? 😉

  8. Rohan 7 Things says:

    Haha, nice post 🙂 I’ve sat all the ways you mention, open, closed, crossed and so on. The little guy doesn’t need to breath lol. Even with legs together he can kind of “sit up” on top, he’s not going to get squished.

    Girls learn to keep the legs together from a young age, guys don’t, so that’s why it might feel uncomfortable for them, just because they’re not used to it.

    I definitely think when the open legs encroach on other people’s space it’s a matter of manners and there’s really no excuse 🙂

    Thanks for sharing!


  9. Andreas Ahrlund says:

    “Why do men insist on sitting with their legs wide apart?”

    You should stop being angry. Just imagine that your cervix was hanging out, very sensitive and shaped like to little nuts that hurt when squeezed, as well as your hips being tighter.(its the iliac bones fault). Now imagine that it hurt when you tried to sit as your sister, and you learned to sit wider. Thats it.

    Its exactly the reason why buffalo bill can hide his genitals in “silence of the lambs”. Mens genitals can fit, but they end up BEHIND the hips themselves, ergo you would sit on them if you sat too tightly.

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