Two-timer

Posted: October 12, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sometimes, being in a relationship has its downsides.

If you’re a girl, it may be that your boyfriend/husband is a little bit on the overprotective (AKA annoying) side and is being a chameleon; going green when you hang out with male friends, black and complaining if you’re in a tiny skirt that draws attention to your legs (but hey he has no issues seeing them on other women), red and on the defensive if you show any sign of disapproval about something that he’d done, even if he is guilty of the crime etc.

You’ve heard the age-old saying: A woman has many faults, a man has but two; everything they say and everything they do…

If it’s a guy that you are, you may be a teeny weeny bit fed up of your girlfriend’s or wife’s continuous nagging about not calling on time, not turning up on time, not eating on time, not paying enough attention, getting home late etc. There are also the accusations of not caring, not loving her enough, having lost interest, having looked at other girls (yes apparently you hadn’t been discreet enough, and she’d seen the drool on your chin), and well the list goes on…

So how great would it be to have TWO spouses or lovers??

A one-on-one with a close friend on his hectic love life revealed that cheating can in fact (contrary to popular belief), be quite a strenuous pastime that’s also mentally-exhausting.

Let me start by giving you a brief about his life then, and yes yes, I did get his okay to reveal his horror story to the general public. Let’s just say that he had the perfect life with the perfect girlfriend who adored him to distraction, literally. Being a little sick and tired of the general bickering that is part and parcel of some relationships, he turned to a pretty and more mature girl (a little older than him apparently) who’d just joined his firm, for solace. After a few exciting months of tailing the new girl, he finally bags her (they shared something special apparently), thus leaving him with not one but two girlfriends. Isn’t that cool now?

From a guy’s point-of-view: “Hell ya!!”, and from the point-of-view of the guys trying to seem ‘above’ being psyched about having two girls: “That’s cheating, and cheating is baaad” – when you know that what they are actually thinking is“Hell ya!!”   From a girl’s point-of-view: “NO, that is NOT cool!” (accompanied by a look of disdain, disgust and dislike), and from my friend’s point-of-view: “Gosh I’m tired…” (said with a disgruntled and massive sigh, which leaves us with a not-so-subtle hint that him being tired has nothing to do with an increase in physical intimacies).

What did increase however was his phone bill, monthly expenditure, and the nagging and bickering, and a bonus of constant fear of being found out, stress and muddled memory. The two girls apparently call at the same times, suggest going out on the same days, have the same tastes in things (ha ha) and for some reason unknown to him, seem to think that he’s cheating on them or is at least up to something fishy. Okay so maybe this guy is no pro at maintaining multiple affairs, but what I’m trying to accomplish by going public with his private life is to point out that cheating is no piece of cake, and to discourage those on the verge of taking the plunge into a world of infidelity. I just hope he won’t stop confiding in me though, because obviously his stories and close calls are highly entertaining.

Back to him. Then there is the business of deleting text messages before seeing each girl. It’s an art apparently – he has to delete X’s messages when meeting Y, but has to have enough of Y’s messages in his inbox (just in case she checks his phone and she always tries to) to show that he ‘cherishes’ each and every “I love you” or “I had my lunch, did you?” message. Vice versa when seeing X. And of course their phone numbers need to be saved under male names so that he can cook up something about a friend trying to be funny in case he is to receive a missed call or  lovey dovey message from one when he is with the other. AND their proper names or pet names need to be re-entered when seeing the relevant girl.

There was also the time he went slipper shopping with X and insisted that she buy a certain pair of white slippers. Next week, he sees Y wearing the same pair, leaving him strangely disoriented and unsure about exactly who he went shopping with for them in the first place. And if one was to frequently go for movies in Colombo like he does with both girls, one could very easily get memories muddled about who was taken for what and so forth. One also needs to be aware of the little disasters that could occur, those that one has little control over, like the time his colleague asked X (on an instance that she’d called the office) whether he should tell my friend that Y had called.

Now, most of his days and hours are spent in fear of being found out by either party or being seen by somebody that knows X or Y and so on.

The best part is that both X (whom he has been dating for over 3 years now) and Y (who he’s been seeing for about 6 months) are already planning on how many babies to have and what sort of wedding it’s going to be, when all he is dreaming about is how to disentangle himself from both of them.

Entertainment at its peak! Who needs TV when there is real life drama unfolding all around you!

 

Moral of the story: Can’t handle one? Chances are that you can’t handle two.

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Comments
  1. This is hilaaaaaaaaaaaaaarious! AND good to see you back! 😀

  2. Sy says:

    Funny thing. If my wife were telling me the same story, half way through it I would be staring blankly, wanting it to be over and hoping that there wouldn’t be a quiz later
    The way you express your ideas, however, is fascinating(?) to me, almost clinical, but still warm and fun.
    Only problem with this one is no Doodlisms (like ” toll free favor machine”).
    Don’t get creeped I just like your writing style.

    • psychodoodle says:

      pSYched about the compliment… 😛 Doodlisms? 😀 Wow, yes shall make it a point not to forget them the next time… Hope all’s well with you…

      • sy says:

        If you wrote this a few years ago, then don’t leave us hanging. What happened with them?

      • psychodoodle says:

        Mmm… *Hoping he won’t come across this*. Well X and Y both found out. Y dumped him, he tried to break up with X, but X decided to keep hanging on to him, but eventually he and X broke up as well. X is now happily married. Y probably is too. My friend unfortunately has been stalking Me for sometime now and it’s not even funny anymore 😐

  3. sy says:

    Also, hope you don’t mind, but I came over to brag a bit. I won some money with my writing and I posted the e-mail I received at http://www.headonthetable.com under the headline Bragging Rights, if you care to look at it.
    This is good news for me. Not only did I win some money, it might mean that I’m not crazy.
    Everything is fine, life goes on…

    • psychodoodle says:

      woo hooo!!! 🙂 Way to go Mr. Insensitive!! Super happy for you! 🙂 And must check out Kwipster. I like the sound of them… And why cannot I not comment on it through my blog???

      • sy says:

        I have no idea why you wouldn’t be able to comment, but thanks for letting me brag and for being excited for me, I was pretty stunned myself.
        Too bad about your friend turning into your stalker, still it must be comforting knowing you have a friend nearby if you need one, even if he is hiding outside of your window at night. OK maybe not so comforting.

      • psychodoodle says:

        Not so much 😛 And I just checked out Kwipster, I think you made me check it out sometime ago.. Super awesome! And no I can’t comment through blog, have to use name and email. FIX IT!!!

  4. Sy says:

    I still don’t know why and my tech person says nothing has changed, but I just imported everything from headonthetable over to my theaterwise blog and I’m going to start posting on both, so you can always leave me a comment there. I’m just looking for more exposure and I’ll probably end up doing face-book as well.
    I know exactly what you’re thinking (whore, right?)
    Anyway, good luck with your stalker and everything else, always nice to hear from you.

    • psychodoodle says:

      😛 And naa.. Share your stuff; you are a write-whore.. Fb is always easier to follow.

      • Sy says:

        Hi P. a couple of hours from now the store will be up. what????? Headonthetable products are going on sale at http://www.cafepress.com/HeadOnTheTable. I’m letting you know first(I’ll do a post in the next couple days) because the first item(s) logically will be Christogenous Zones on T-Shirts and posters. Short version on T-Shirts, but only have the t-shirt design so far.
        Hope you’re pleased. Maybe your term will become popular.

      • psychodoodle says:

        oh. em. jee. Okay blonde moment! 😛 But seriously!! :O Didn’t realize you were That much impressed with the term.. And wow you’ve really gone to town with he merchandise!! I like Many faces mug the best I think.. I like the design. And the pink boy briefs and thong with that quote?? Really Head, really?? 😀 Has someone actually bought it?

  5. Sy says:

    Hmmm, what to answer first. Yes I have sold some items (no thongs or boy briefs), but not as many as I’ve given away for promotion. The designs, I admit, I got carried away, they’re fun to do..
    Your term I think should be a part of everyone’s Christmas, it too is fun and unique, and just as much, I think my poem should also be a part of Christmas from here on in. We need new thoughts for the next millenium and I think C-Zones is worthy of a niche.
    Also, we had our dept Christmas party last Fri and one of the girls, to whom I had given a Christogenous Zones item, introduced me to her boyfriend as “the inventor of” C-Zones. That was unexpected but, pretty cool. I was quick to point out, however, that I did not invent the term itsself.
    So, it’s already stuck in some people’s heads, now I just need something unique for Valentine’s day.(I’m not asking you, I’m just saying)
    I’ll read your new post when I have the proper time to devote to it.

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