Posts Tagged ‘mission impossible’

“He has to be Catholic,” I said. “Well Anglican or whatever. That’s a must. Can I give you the rest of the specifications?”

She did the arms-folding thing that people do when they’re thinking ‘Let’s hear it..’ and said, “Let’s hear it…”

“Okay so One: he has got to be Catholic. Two: he’s got to be, say, twenty-seven or twenty-eight…”

“I don’t know people that old!! All the guys I know are like around twenty-four or five! How am I supposed to find someone that age?!”

“I don’t’ know! You said you’d find me Mr.Right, so I’m giving you the specifications! Age is crucial! He has to fit into that age slot at least! You know how men are. They don’t mature. They just don’t. Thus we go for someone older than me with the hope that they would by some divine intervention perhaps, be a tad bit mature.”

“Really? You think being twenty-eight would make them any mature?”

Shoulders slump slightly. “A girl can hope surely?”

Eyebrows raised.

Shrug. “Okay well anyway, listen. Three: He has to be taller than me. I’m 5’4.”

Sighs. “I don’t know very many tall people. All the guys nowadays are pretty short. You know that! Besides, short people have their advantages…” said with a waggle of the eyebrows.

“So they do. I still prefer taller. Four: he has to be financially stable. I’m getting old and I cannot age while he gets his act together.”


“Five: he has to be single,” holds hands up, “I know, I know, that should go without saying but trust me, I’ve figured out from experience that it has to be said. You need to be pretty clear about everything.”


“Six: he has to be sane. You’d be surprised at the number of psychotic people you get out there. It’s a scary world. Seven: he should have decent teeth and no stomach. Eight: he should be able to take care of himself. That disqualifies smokers and alcoholics. By taking care of himself, I mean physically, financially and publicly. I mean if he can’t take care of himself, how can he take care of me right?” *Breathes* “That’s it. That is it. Is that asking for much?”

“Of course not!  I mean a girl’s got to have her standards right?”

“Right..” *coughs*  “I’m going to end up single for the rest of my life aren’t I…?”