Posts Tagged ‘work’

Sometimes, being in a relationship has its downsides.

If you’re a girl, it may be that your boyfriend/husband is a little bit on the overprotective (AKA annoying) side and is being a chameleon; going green when you hang out with male friends, black and complaining if you’re in a tiny skirt that draws attention to your legs (but hey he has no issues seeing them on other women), red and on the defensive if you show any sign of disapproval about something that he’d done, even if he is guilty of the crime etc.

You’ve heard the age-old saying: A woman has many faults, a man has but two; everything they say and everything they do…

If it’s a guy that you are, you may be a teeny weeny bit fed up of your girlfriend’s or wife’s continuous nagging about not calling on time, not turning up on time, not eating on time, not paying enough attention, getting home late etc. There are also the accusations of not caring, not loving her enough, having lost interest, having looked at other girls (yes apparently you hadn’t been discreet enough, and she’d seen the drool on your chin), and well the list goes on…

So how great would it be to have TWO spouses or lovers??

A one-on-one with a close friend on his hectic love life revealed that cheating can in fact (contrary to popular belief), be quite a strenuous pastime that’s also mentally-exhausting.

Let me start by giving you a brief about his life then, and yes yes, I did get his okay to reveal his horror story to the general public. Let’s just say that he had the perfect life with the perfect girlfriend who adored him to distraction, literally. Being a little sick and tired of the general bickering that is part and parcel of some relationships, he turned to a pretty and more mature girl (a little older than him apparently) who’d just joined his firm, for solace. After a few exciting months of tailing the new girl, he finally bags her (they shared something special apparently), thus leaving him with not one but two girlfriends. Isn’t that cool now?

From a guy’s point-of-view: “Hell ya!!”, and from the point-of-view of the guys trying to seem ‘above’ being psyched about having two girls: “That’s cheating, and cheating is baaad” – when you know that what they are actually thinking is“Hell ya!!”   From a girl’s point-of-view: “NO, that is NOT cool!” (accompanied by a look of disdain, disgust and dislike), and from my friend’s point-of-view: “Gosh I’m tired…” (said with a disgruntled and massive sigh, which leaves us with a not-so-subtle hint that him being tired has nothing to do with an increase in physical intimacies).

What did increase however was his phone bill, monthly expenditure, and the nagging and bickering, and a bonus of constant fear of being found out, stress and muddled memory. The two girls apparently call at the same times, suggest going out on the same days, have the same tastes in things (ha ha) and for some reason unknown to him, seem to think that he’s cheating on them or is at least up to something fishy. Okay so maybe this guy is no pro at maintaining multiple affairs, but what I’m trying to accomplish by going public with his private life is to point out that cheating is no piece of cake, and to discourage those on the verge of taking the plunge into a world of infidelity. I just hope he won’t stop confiding in me though, because obviously his stories and close calls are highly entertaining.

Back to him. Then there is the business of deleting text messages before seeing each girl. It’s an art apparently – he has to delete X’s messages when meeting Y, but has to have enough of Y’s messages in his inbox (just in case she checks his phone and she always tries to) to show that he ‘cherishes’ each and every “I love you” or “I had my lunch, did you?” message. Vice versa when seeing X. And of course their phone numbers need to be saved under male names so that he can cook up something about a friend trying to be funny in case he is to receive a missed call or  lovey dovey message from one when he is with the other. AND their proper names or pet names need to be re-entered when seeing the relevant girl.

There was also the time he went slipper shopping with X and insisted that she buy a certain pair of white slippers. Next week, he sees Y wearing the same pair, leaving him strangely disoriented and unsure about exactly who he went shopping with for them in the first place. And if one was to frequently go for movies in Colombo like he does with both girls, one could very easily get memories muddled about who was taken for what and so forth. One also needs to be aware of the little disasters that could occur, those that one has little control over, like the time his colleague asked X (on an instance that she’d called the office) whether he should tell my friend that Y had called.

Now, most of his days and hours are spent in fear of being found out by either party or being seen by somebody that knows X or Y and so on.

The best part is that both X (whom he has been dating for over 3 years now) and Y (who he’s been seeing for about 6 months) are already planning on how many babies to have and what sort of wedding it’s going to be, when all he is dreaming about is how to disentangle himself from both of them.

Entertainment at its peak! Who needs TV when there is real life drama unfolding all around you!

 

Moral of the story: Can’t handle one? Chances are that you can’t handle two.

I had to go meet an official at the university today to get a spare lecture hall for an upcoming forum. To my increasing amusement and discomfort I had to listen to him explain to my boobs and neckline how inconvenient it was for them to sort out last minute requests for spare classrooms. Lucky for me I was wearing a top with a nice neckline. He was distracted enough not to be annoyed.

I am pretty tired after a long day at campus, the heat can best be described as blistering, my facial expression right now can be likened to that of a camel and I feel strangely philosophic. No make that grateful for what I have. I am therefore going to make a short but meaningful list of all the things I’m grateful for, at least those that come to mind right now in the mood I’m in.

I am grateful for:

  1. My boobs: I understand that I have been very ungrateful in the past and have often wished they were smaller, but I’ve wisened up. I need to learn how to use them better, to my own advantage, yes yes without dressing like a desperate whore. Not a problem.
  2. Dog-a-doodle: We all need entertainment in our lives, more than we know. Dog-a-doodle is an unlimited source of amusement.
  3. Friends and family: An ‘I am grateful for:’ list would be incomplete without them.
  4. Google: It has the answers to almost all of life’s problems.
  5. Men being perverts: It means that if you have great boobs (and I do) or even a hint of boobs for that matter (and women generally do) you can often get away with almost anything. Watch out perverts, your little weakness will have you wrapped around our little fingers.
  6. Having the power to let a man’s mind wander: often they’re too little to be let out alone, and thus easily get lost, making them vulnerable to easy manipulation.
  7. Being a woman. Need I explain?

*About the picture: a closer look will tell you that that is actually a cleverly folded paper against a black setting.

All rights reserved by my sister who voiced that interesting thought which goes against everything that I’ve been studying so far in my course on Gender & Literature. So the norm is for the phallocentric, pig-headed, sexists from the Victorian age (or the Computer), who believe that power comes with having a dick and think with the help of the same instrument too, to turn up their hairy noses, set their erections on a tripod, and gaze through the urethra at a sperm-fogged perspective of the world to spurt opinions on intelligence or knowledge not being something that the female species really required – I’m not talking about all males really, just those who think that way; so there’s really no reason for everyone to get offended.

So the norm would be for the females’ (or at least the feminists’) defence mechanisms to go into overdrive. A din would be made about us females being able to make the same money, pursue the same careers, live the same lives, excel. The need for equal rights would be reiterated, and well, the usual.

*Destiny’s Child’s ‘Independent Woman’ plays in the background – Shoes on my feet – I’ve bought it; Clothes I’m wearing – I’ve bought it; Rock I’m rockin’ – I’ve bought it; ‘Cause I depend on me… If I wanted the watch you’re wearing – I’ll buy it; The house I live in – I’ve bought it; Car I’m driving – I’ve bought it; I depend on me!* ♪

So all the women who are independent, throw your hands up at me!! ♪ Anyway so my sister’s logic was: “Why should I study? I’m a girl.” She’s already Destiny’s Child’s idea of an independent woman: She’s got her own car (and not the expected little Maruti either), makes enough money to splurge on herself and others, and lives the good life. Study more? What for? Being the ‘girl’, the ideal thing would be for the man to do the learning, work, make the money, bring home the bread, and take care of the ‘woman’ and of course her needs. All she should rightfully have to do is worry her styled little head about her nail polish and appointments at the stylist, matching outfits etc etc. (ignoring for a minute the fact that that sounds pretty petty and fabulously frivolous – that’s luxury) while her darling boyfriend or husband worries about the bills, which of course he should pay by piling up his qualifications and work experience to make more and more money which of course the woman would work out how to spend.

Yes yes I do realize I’m ignoring a lot of debatable issues, but I don’t know, when you think about, and consider just the above, and not take into consideration all the surplus screaming for my attention, getting the man to do all the hard work sounds like a good deal to me. *Shrug*