Question: How does a girl who falls… (no, actually she jumps), eyes open, into a rabbit hole, plummeting into chaos, come out the other end unchanged?
The answer: She doesn’t.
You see I know… coz that girl is me. Life is like that. Love is. And isn’t love what life is all about? Making that discovery of boundless love for everything that is? And along the way we fall in love. Some fall in love over and over again, and not with the same person either. Some fall out of it, and ‘move on’. But do they really? Can one really move on and be the same person that one once was? Consider this:
So you’ve met someone and you’re getting to know him and figuring out whether he may or may not be the one you’re destined to live the rest of your life with, the one whom you were meant to grow old with, the one whose babies you are destined to make, the one who’s family you’ll make your own, the one whom you’d share your body with, the one whose life you’ll make your own. I’m not being completely pathetic and pondering over a romanticized idea of love and marriage. I’ve fallen into the rabbit hole myself, and I’ve walked the streets of wonderland. I’ve seen the bright lights, the unexplainable, the beautiful, the nasty. Love is like that. I know. I’ve been there.
The thing with someone new is that there are some laws which you’re supposed to adhere to.
Rule Number One: Thou shalt not compare New Guy with thy Ex.
Apparently not every guy is the same and there are actually some good men out there. Okaaay… well… religion too is after all faith in the unseen, so I suppose its possible for some good men to exist. But is it really possible to follow the rule? You made mistakes previously coz you didn’t know better but the next time around are you to make them again for the sake of some unwritten rule that says that “you shouldn’t compare” because “Y is not X” and therefore “it is unfair to compare”? Yes, I do realize that people are different and have different values and principles and ways of life and so on. But how does one comprehend that difference? How does one comprehend any difference? Being the simpleton I am, I’d do it the simple way that I know of – by comparing. The one way to not repeat a wrong would be to learn from the wrong, right?
Yes yes, I AM aware that Y is not X, but if I wanted X, I wouldn’t be wasting my time with Y now would I? And like some wise person out there had once said, if some new guy was to tell me that he’s not like any of my Exs, I would be thinking “Gosh you’d better not be!!”
Rule Number Two: Thou shalt trust that thou shalt trust again.
*Raises hand* Erm… I don’t know you guys, I have a problem there. So New Guy turns up in your life and tells you how awesome he is and how he is and will be everything that you need – honest, faithful, basically the greatest fan of your life. And you’re supposed to go “Ah huh…? Mmm hmm…? Wow! Where have you been all my life?? It’s about time you got here!” and fall for it. Taking a couple of seconds to wonder exactly where he Had been all of your life, you figure out he’s been occupied elsewhere telling the same words at various times to His various Exs. A little disturbing is it not?
Trust is something you earn, not something you can politely ask for, or demand, or even make someone feel bad into giving. It is earned. And there are various degrees of trust as well, one cannot forget that. And if you’re still licking the wounds of a broken heart, even if Mr.Right comes by on his dashing white horse with a glowing list of references, ready to whisk you away to his castle far away, he should be considerate enough to notice that hell you’re still nursing a broken heart and struggling to keep the pieces together and perhaps you’re not ready for the journey. Sure the horse looks steady and Mr.Right’s CV looks good but perhaps the best you can offer is to walk should Mr.Right feel he could find it in himself to hold his horses and walk with you. And you don’t actually know what he is really like underneath all that dazzling armor now do you? He could have warts all over him for all you can tell. Do you take a chance? Mmm… I don’t know you guys, once burned, one tends to fear the fire. Sometimes it’s worth it to take a chance, but sometimes you just need time. Sometimes you need to get to know someone really well to know that you don’t want to know that person at all.
Rule Number Three: Thou shalt know thy destiny.
Erm… hello! If you knew that Y was your destiny you would not have wasted your time and life on X and Z don’t you think? And if you knew that Y was what you wanted you would not be wasting your time and his by beating about the bush now don’t you think? If you don’t know what you want then that simply means that you just don’t know what you want. Being told that you should figure it out is fine but affording a little space is surely called for don’t you think? It’s the same as being followed around by a shop assistant while shopping. How can you shop properly and decide what you want when that happens? Only thing you’d be doing properly in there would be evading the shop assistant and not sorting out what you want. *Sigh*
These are but a few rules. The thing is, not every femme fatale is always in need of being rescued. She may seem vulnerable and may seem like she’s ready to be whisked away by a knight in shining armor, but maybe she really isn’t. Perhaps she just got off a knight’s horse and was finding her way back. Perhaps she’s not ready. Perhaps she’s seen the lights of wonderland and is skeptic about going back. Perhaps she’s learnt every time she fell. Perhaps what she learnt scares her and she’s afraid to trust. Learning comes from experience. And you can’t expect someone to unlearn something that they’ve learnt along the way.
The question: How does a girl who jumps into a rabbit hole, plummeting into chaos, come out unchanged?
The answer: She doesn’t.
[The quotes are from the movie ‘Little Black Book’]
Psychodoodle 